


A Blond, a Brunette, and a Redhead are stranded on an island...

by Terahlyanwe



Series: Unlikely Universes [3]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1361671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terahlyanwe/pseuds/Terahlyanwe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Ron are rather dim, but Draco is dimmer, and he does all right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Blond, a Brunette, and a Redhead are stranded on an island...

**Author's Note:**

> Pet Peeve #3: As soon as Harry is stuck together alone with an enemy, in every single fic I've read, they suddenly become OMG BFF'S and end up living happily ever after, because before, they only hated each other because of a misunderstanding! ZOMG! Life doesn't work that way all the time. Sometimes, people just hate each other and always will. Get over it.

Draco peered at the distant shore and sat down on the sand with a decidedly whiny cast to his voice.

"My father will hear about this, and he will come with the Dark Lord and punish you both for making the boat sink!" Harry grabbed Ron's arm to keep the redhead from jumping on Draco and pummeling him into insensibility.

"You're an idiot." Ron spat at the blond heir to millions. "We didn't do anything to make the boat sink. It certainly isn't our fault that the Giant Squid had his cousin the Kraken coming to visit and decided to eat a boat on the way!" Harry was peering at the horizon with a speculative look on his face. He rounded on Draco suddenly.

"Say, Ron and I both lost our wands, but if you have yours, could you send a Patronus message to someone to get us off of here?" Draco somehow managed to look down at the standing Harry and Ron from his seated position with a supercilious look on his face.

"I shan't be responsible for rescuing two jackanapes who couldn't be bothered to hold onto their own wands. If you're so special, O Boy-Who-Lived, do it wandlessly." Harry's lips tightened, and so did his grip on Ron's arm. His wet, dark brown hair was plastered to his skull so it looked like it was painted on, and his skin was an unhealthily chilly shade of blue, but his voice was controlled and full of menace.

"Look here, you stupid white haired git, if you don't either cast that spell or let one of us do it….ohhhhh." Harry's voice suddenly trailed off as an expression of mirth crossed his face.

"You can't cast a Patronus, can you? Bet you can't even get a wisp, let alone a corporeal one." Harry's lips quirked despite the serious situation. Ron quickly had a nasty grin on his face.

  
"Even I can cast one." The redhead mocked the shivering blond. "Now how about you hand over your wand to two real wizards and we'll call for help." Draco stood up, reeling with cold and dizziness and attempted to stalk away, but ended up tripping over a bump in the sand.  
"I shall do no such thing. If either one of you lays a finger on me, my father shall hear of it!"

"Ooooh, the ickly boy's going to sic his father on us!" Ron cast the phrase after Draco's retreating back. "I'm simply terrified. Now give us the bloody wand!" Draco took off running at the last words and disappeared behind the only tree on the tiny island. Ron and Harry bolted after him and caught the boy after a relatively short sprint. They tackled him simultaneously, Ron's war scream ending abruptly as a well placed elbow strike from the blond caught him in the trachea.

"Here, gerroff me you slimy gits!" Draco protested loudly, as his two companions attempted to hold him down and riffle through his clothes. Through the sounds of the scuffle, one noise rang out and froze all three combatants. It was a loud snapping noise, much like the sound of a twig breaking. Or a wand.

Ron and Harry sat back and stared at Draco with wide, terrified eyes as Draco slowly reached a hand inside his robes and brought out his wand, which was split in two, the core still letting half the wand dangle from the handle end.

"You…lot…of…slimy….blood traitors!" Draco shrieked and launched himself at the guilty duo who, seeing Draco's inarticulate rage, were wise enough to grab his arms and hold him between them. Draco screamed and thrashed and sobbed for several minutes until he sagged limply from between their arms.

"Put me down." He ordered, with no energy in his tone. Ron and Harry dropped him unceremoniously and sat a respectable distance away from him on tufts of grass.

"Well, now no one will ever find us. They'll just assume we were eaten by the Kraken." Ron observed with a shaky voice. The boys were now seriously facing the prospect of living the rest of their lives on this chunk of island and were not relishing it. The rest of their lives with no girls? Ew. They all sat morosely, pretending that none of them had tears in their eyes when Ron suddenly leaped to his feet.  
"I've got it!" Draco blinked at him.

"Fleas?" he asked mildly, with hidden malice lurking below his tone. "We've known that for years, Weasley." Ron was too excited to do more than smack Draco's head.

"No, I've got the solution! The mainland is only about….eh….two kilometers away." He explained, squinting at the horizon. "We can swim!" Harry and Draco blinked at him in horror.

"Ron." Harry tried to explain, mentally deciding to use the smallest words and least complicated sentence structure possible in order to get the concept through the redhead's thick skull.

"It's only ten degrees out, and the water is probably colder. We'd drown before we swam a klick." Ron was not to be deterred. He stripped down to his white Fruit of the Loom Wizard-Wear briefs and ran down to the water, Harry and Draco wincing and groaning as they were treated to the sight of Ron's pale white arse.

"You've got holes in your knickers!" Draco bellowed after the boy, but Ron was already plunging into the water. Harry clapped a hand to his head dramatically and groaned again.

"He's going to die." he lay silently on his back for several moments until a rock poking into his spine made the reposing position uncomfortable. Presently he noticed Draco looking out to sea through a spyglass.

"The hell?!" Harry snarled. "You let us break your fucking wand, and you kept a spyglass safe?" Draco ignored his outburst.

"Huh, looks like the blood traitor has made it nearly half a klick so far, I'd say." Harry snatched the spyglass away and peered through it, scanning the waves to catch a glimpse of his friend. He got Ron's pale face in the spyglass for only a moment before the boy sank beneath the waves and didn't come up again. Harry 's face was ashen, but determined.

"I won't die here in vain!" he shouted, leaping to his feet and not bothering to strip. "I will swim back and everyone will know how Ron Weasley inspired the Boy-Who-Lived to live again!" Draco leaned back against a convenient rock and watched Harry dive into the water and swim away from the island—in the wrong direction—with great gusto. He actually made it three quarters of a klick before a huge tentacle wrapped around him and dragged the boy down. Draco smirked.

"Bloody gits deserved it. I'm surprised it took them this long to die." Draco closed his eyes, intending to nap for a bit and enjoy the peace and quiet when a horrible thought crossed his mind. His eyes widened in horror.

"How can I live here the rest of my life with no hair product?!" The thought was terrific enough to motivate the Slytherin into making an unusually bold move. "I'm going swimming." He declared to the open air, accustomed enough to Crabbe and Goyle's constant attending that he always spoke his thoughts aloud. The lack of expected feedback from his goons took him aback for a moment, but not long enough to deter him. He strode confidently down to the water, waded in, wincing at the cold, and swam away towards land with determined strokes. He dropped his heart rate as low as possible, got a steady breathing rhythm, and was actually starting to enjoy the brisk exercise when his pinky toe suddenly grew fatigued. Draco stopped, treading water, and looked about him in every direction. He peered back at the island and realized that he had managed to swim about one full kilometer. Draco wanted to continue swimming to the mainland, but his pinky toe was tired! Perhaps it would be better to return to the island, rest, and attempt the swim on another day.

 

* * *

 

Draco, happy with his reasoning, swam laboriously back to the island, and lay on the shore, shivering uncontrollably as he rested his pinky toe and gazed at the mainland shore, two kilometers away.


End file.
